I’ve shared my feelings about our trial of infertility with a few people. It is such a personal and emotional thing to go through that it is hard to share. After our experience this week I feel it is important to share some of my thoughts. I hope that I can express them the way that I feel them.
Infertility is a lifelong partner. We have our times that it is not a focus of our lives but then moments arise and the hurt comes back. We have truly come to accept and embrace the opportunity to be parents through the wonderful blessing of adoption. Sadie has been the greatest blessing of my life and I know we have many more miracles to come. Adoption is not an easy journey. It is full of all different kinds of emotions and at some points in the journey you don’t even know how to feel.
We were looking forward to bring our second daughter home this week. She was due on Thursday. We received the devastating news on Friday night that the birthparents decided to keep the baby. Our hearts were broken. I cried and I cried. It hurt! Wally and I had the opportunity to go to dinner Saturday night and to talk about our feelings. We cried together over our chocolate molten cake. Sharing our feelings that night helped us to start healing over our loss. We were finally able to express and say what we were feeling the whole time, that this baby was not ours. We knew the whole time that this precious baby girl would not be apart of our family but that was hard to believe. We wanted so much for her to be ours. We prayed every night for her and for the birthparents. We felt connected to them and felt like we had a great friendship building. How could we feel that it was wrong when everything was moving forward and going so right? I know that Heavenly Father was preparing us for this moment. I feel so blessed and grateful that I know that my Heavenly Father knows me and knows how much I desire to have children. I know that Heavenly Father knows me and Loves me. I have felt it! I know that through the spirit we are guided and comforted. Throughout our journey of infertility and adoption my testimony of the gospel has grown immensely and for this I am forever grateful. Faith in my Heavenly Father’s will for me and prayer is what gets me through everyday. I know he has a plan for me and my special family. I know that there are special little spirits waiting to come to us. I know them in my heart. I have to be strong for them. I have to do what it takes to bring them home. I will endure heart ache after heart ache if that is what it takes.
We want to thank every one of you! We have had an out pouring of love and support. It is because of our wonderful family and friends that we can be strong and move forward. We love you so much and we are so incredibly grateful that you are apart of our lives.
Love,
Lindsey
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34 comments:
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. Oh the trials we go through in life. Its got to be so hard to want and child so bad and have to wait for the opportunity to come. I admire you for being so strong and faithful!!
I don't know what else to do but cry for you, which I am.
You know how much I adore you and your family. You have been such a solid rock for me as I struggle through infertility as well.
You are strong and brave and I love you.
Your post was inspirational to me. Thanks. -Marshall
Oh, my heart goes out to you guys right now! It is so difficult to watch so many wonderful people in our lives that have to deal with infertility. We will keep you in our prayers and know that another little one will come along.
That brings a tear to my eye as well! I red your post a little earlier and I have just been thinking about you guys ever since. I know that everything will work out for you guys! You are such a strong amazing family! I hope you guys know we are here if you need ANYTHING!
I greatly admire you guy's courage and dedication to your family (especially those who haven't joined you yet)
My heart goes out to you even though only the 2 of you and Father in Heaven knows your pain, so I pray that He can help you heal and receive the blessings you desire.
I'm sorry for what you have to go through and thanks for being an example of faith and strength in sharing this with us.
- Nany -
Our prayers are with you and your family - you truly are amazing!!!!
We love you guys! we are praying for you.
Josh and I love you both so much and are always praying for you. I am so glad that we have the gospel in our lives to make this hard time a little bit easier. You are both a great strength to us and I know that you will be able to have another great blessing to add to Sadie when the time is right. Love and miss you.
Chels & I actually were looking through blogs tonight & read yours together pretty weird since we never do that, but your post was inspirational & heart breaking both at the same time. Thanks so much for sharing that with us because it touched us in so many ways. We love you guys & hope that people read your post & decide that they are going to keep their eyes & ears open for another great opportunity for you. I watch the little video's that you guys post & wish that I was the dad that Wally is. You both look like you're always having so much fun with your Brave & Crazy Sadie. I know that what happened to you happened for a reason & that there's many great opportunities around the corner for amazing parents like you.
Thanks,
Ty & Chels Wilde
WOW...WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT? YOU GUYS ARE A GREAT EXAMPLE TO ME OF COURAGE AND FAITH! YOU GUYS ARE TRULY ARE AMAZING PEOPLE! I CAN NOT EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!
ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT MITCH AND I'S PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOU! I KNOW WE AREN'T VERY CLOSE LINDSEY, BUT I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU GUYS, FOR WHAT EVER REASON (A FRIEND, BABYSITTER, SHOPPING PARTNER, HOUSE CLEAN, LUNCH DATE).
LOVE YOU GUYS,
BRITTANY
What a great testimony you have!! I am so sorry for your guys's loss. You guys are great parents and I know that you will be blessed with more little ones one day. What great strength and faith this must take. You are in our prayers!!
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope it is not too many heartaches away from your next miracle baby. You both are wonderful, strong, out-of-this-world character building parents! Sadie and the rest of your bunch will be so blessed by you and Wally.
I am so sorry. What a heartbreaking thing to go through.
big huge hugs to you!
We, too, have cried some tears for you guys and love how strong you are from all of these experiences. You are much stronger than some of us.
Heavenly Father is very smart and only allows things to happen to us that will make us stronger and more prepared for what is to come. EVERYTHING is preparatory in this life. Just imagine the great things ahead of you that you'll be ready for.
We sure love you and pray for you every night!
Biggest hugs
Greatest pain brings the greatest blessings. These experiences bring eternal lessons learned. It will get better. I am so amazed at your ability to share your learning and growth. Love, Aunt Linda
You guys are such a wonderful and special family. You are both very strong people and I really look up to you both for your strength in this very difficult trial..Josh and I love you guys and I just wanted you to both know you have been in our thoughts and our prayers.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. You express them beautifully and your faith shines through. You guys are the best parents. You'll be such a blessing to your children. Our prayers are with you. We miss you!
Wally and Lindz, I am so so sorry for your loss. So sorry.
We love you guys so much! When the time is right the perfect child will find their way into your arms.
i too cried when i read your post. i hope you're doing okay. i know this is a very hard thing to go through. i'm so happy to hear what a good outlook you have on the situation. you have such a strong testimony and i know things will work out for you in the future. one day you will have the family you hope for, but for now you get to enjoy your time with sweet little sadie. please know we have you in our thoughts and prayers. love, the willits
We have been thinking and praying for you! We love you and your sweet/hilarious/fun family.
We're so sorry to hear that news... we were so excited and happy with you. There must be someone even better for your family waiting...
We're thinking of and praying for you!
I'm so sorry about your adoption. I was devestated as well when I heard the news. You guys are the best parents and another baby will come your way soon. We love you and your in our prayers always.
Love and hugs froms the Andersons! I love to hear how your faith is seeing you through. You guys are an inspiration!
I know you don't know me-- My name is Dayna and Kenna sent me to your blog. My husband and I are going through the exact same thing right now. Our birth mom contacted us when she was 6 weeks along and we've been waiting for our baby boy for the past 8 months. On her due date (last tuesday) she decided she was going to keep him. It's so hard and I know exactly what you are going through. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. If you want to talk at all please email me! ady.dayna@gmail.com
I love you Lindz and your faith has really touched me. You guys are amazing and Sadie is one lucky lady! The baby that is waiting to come home to you must be pretty dang special too. Keep smiling, oh and I love you too Wally, especially for taking care of Lindz.
we love you. big hugs and kisses and lots of prayers to you.
Wally and Lyndsey,
I read this last week and and thought about it daily ever since. It's so hard to know the right thing to say especially when I barely know Lyndsey. First I will say I am so so so sad that you are hurting this way! It's hard for me to even imagine. Second, thank you so much for sharing such personal feelings on your blog. It is truely inspirational and I'm so happy that I got to read this. It is completely obvious that this whole experience really brings you guys together and its hard to find couples that are so united! You are both amazing parents to Sadie and I am so excited to see what the future holds for your family!
Love,
Laura
My heart goes out to you guys. So sorry to hear about the adoption falling through. There's gotta be more out babies coming you guys! You are awesome parents and any kid would be lucky to have you guys. I hope they find you soon :)
Oh Linds (and Wally AND Sadie),
I'm sorry about this loss. I really am. I can't imagine how it must feel..and I will pray that things will work out for the best. Good luck. You 2 are amazing!!
I can't imagine the heartache this situation brings to you. We love you guys. Whatever children are brought into your family will be truly blessed to have you for parents.
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